On Becoming a Gentleman: Lord Chesterfield's Letters to his Son

Next to good-breeding is genteel manners and carriage, and the best method to acquire these is through a knowledge of dance. Now to acquire a graceful air, you must attend to your dancing; no one can either sit, stand or walk well, unless he dances well. And in learning to dance, be particularly attentive to the motion of your arms for a stiffness in the wrist will make any man look awkward. If a man walks well, presents himself well in company, wears his hat well, moves his head properly, and his arms gracefully, it is almost all that is necessary.

One can imagine that Mr. Darcy's and Mr. Bingley's deportment and good breeding in Pride and Prejudice reflected the etiquette and manners described by Lord Chesterfield in his letters to his sons dating from 1737. Although Samuel Johnson derided these letters for teaching "the morals of a whore and the manners of a dancing-master," their collections were published and became well known during the late 18th and early 19th centuries.
Influenced by his own neglect as a child, Lord Chesterfield began to write the letters to Philip, his illegitimate son by a Dutch governess, when the boy was only five years old. When Philip turned twenty-five, Lord Chesterfield's godson (another Philip) was born. Lord Chesterfield continued to send advice to this boy as well. Though quite illuminating about a father's expectations of his son's deportment, these letters were private and were never meant to be read publicly. (Bartleby.com) However, Lord Chesterfield's advice remains fascinating, and much of what he related in them still holds true today. Regardless of what one might think of the information contained therein, the letters provide a fascinating insight into the manners and etiquette of the a gentleman in the 18th century:

Many people lose a great deal of their time by laziness; they loll and yawn in a great chair, tell themselves that they have not time to begin anything then, and that it will do as well another time. This is a most unfortunate disposition, and the greatest obstruction to both knowledge and business. At your age, you have no right nor claim to laziness; I have, if I please, being emeritus. You are but just listed in the world, and must be active, diligent, indefatigable. If ever you propose commanding with dignity, you must serve up to it with diligence. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do to-day.

Read the letters and about Lord Chesterfield in the following links:

• Letters To His Son On The Art Of Becoming A Man Of The World And A Gentleman, 1750, written by Chesterfield, Philip Dormer Stanhope, Earl of, 1694-1773

• Ken Baron: Sayings of Lord Chesterfield

• Virginia Woolf: Lord Chesterfield's Letters to His Son

• Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield, Wikipedia

• About Lord Chesterfield

The Mirror of Graces, 1811

The Mirror of Graces, written by a Lady of Distinction in 1811, is a first-hand source that describes the dress and manners of ladies during the Regency Period. Some speculate that the book was written by a governess or lady's companion who was a close observer of the upper classes, but not a member of it.

Here is her observation on "the detail of dress."

"The mantle, or cottage-cloak, should never be worn by females exceeding a moderate en bon point; and we should recommend their winter garbs, such as Russian pelisses and Turkish wraps, to be formed of double sarsenet, or fine Merina cloth, rather than velvets, which (except black) give an appearance of increased size to the wearer. In the adoption of furs, flat-ermine or fringe fur is better suited to the full-formed woman than swan's down, fox, chinchilli, or sable; these are graceful for the more slender. Women of spare habit, and of a tall and elegant height, will derive considerable advantage from the full-flowing robe, mantle, and Roman tunic. The fur trimming, too, gives to them an appearance of roundness, which nature has denied;and to this description of person we can scarcely recommend an evending-dress more chaste, elegant and advantageous, than robes of white satin trimmed with swan's-down, with draperies of silver or gossamer net."

Find a listing of fabric and cloth on the Phrontistery site:

"This is a rather odd category, listing 269 names of kinds of fabric and cloth. There is an enormous variety in fabrics, with many different national, historical and regional varieties. It is interesting to note, however, that almost all of the types of fabric listed below are variants or blends of just five basic fabric types (silk, cotton, linen, wool and worsted)."

Regency Fashions, Manners, and Style

Find the most fabulous links on this Women in World History site: Turbans, portraits, the Marriage of Princess Charlotte, Regency Styles Year by Year, Regency Outerwear, and more. This is a review of the "personal website of Catherine Decker, author of scholarly work in several fields, including 18th-century gender and literature."

Women in World History is a project of the Center for History and New Media, George Mason University, in our glorious Commonwealth of Virginia!

To use 21st century American parlance, "I am verklempt" by the sheer variety and magnitude of information covered on this site.

Other links of interest and noteworthiness (we seem all to be beating about the same mulberry bush, don't we?):

1. The Georgian Index
2. The Regency Ring
3. A Regency Repository

Memoir of Mary Darby Robinson

Mary Darby Robinson died in 1800 at the tender age of 42. Her memoirs were published posthumously by her daughter in 1802. Click on the above words to find the original text. Click here for Mary's biography.

The following is an excerpt from her memoirs:

"If there could be found a fault in the conduct of my mother towards her children, it was that of a too unlimited indulgence, a too tender care, which but little served to arm their breast against the perpetual arrows of mortal vicissitude.

My father's commercial concerns were crowned with prosperity. His house was opened by hospitality, and his generosity was only equalled by the liberality of fortune: every day augmented his successes; every hour seemed to increase his domestic felicity, till I attained my ninth year, when a change took place as sudden as it was unfortunate, at a moment when every luxury, every happiness, not only brightened the present, but gave promise of future felicity. A scheme was suggested to my father, as wild and romantic as it was perilous to hazard, which was no less than that of establishing a whale fishery on the coast of Labrador, and of civilising the Esquimaux Indians, in order to employ them in the extensive undertaking. During two years this eccentric plan occupied his thoughts by day, his dreams by night: all the smiles of prosperity could not tranquillise the restless spirit, and while he anticipated an acquirement of fame he little considered the perils that would attend his fortune. [Page 13]"